The Whisperer is Back

Today I was going to talk about aging and suicide but the Whisperer is back and I need to talk about that. He’s got my number. He’s telling me that because no one has the answer of how to help me they don’t care.

While I have a couple of Job’s friend types in my life, most of the people I talk to don’t even know what I am going through. The ones who do, they care. I could call a couple of people now and they would try to help. But they just can’t. Frankly I don’t want to ruin their day by saying what I have already said repeatedly. They pray for me and that is really the only thing that can help.

The gut churning confusion prevents me from praying eloquently. Mostly my prayer is to ask the Holy Spirit to pray for me. God reads my blog long before I write it so he knows what’s going on. I guess today my blog is my prayer. Dear God, I am not asking you why, I know this is a trial. I know that you intend to carry out something with me, though I don’t know what that is. I know that if you made it easier for me, you wouldn’t achieve your goal. It just has to feel this way because that is what changes me.

You who follow my blog strengthen me with your words and with your prayers and I know you will do that when you read this. Many of you have a Whisperer as well and you are fighting the same fight. I pray that my trial will strengthen you and make yours easier. God bless you my friends.

Give me strength Lord to bear it.

5 thoughts on “The Whisperer is Back

  1. OK, so he’s back. he, that lying bastard, gets no respectful capital letter from me. Not even for ‘Liar’. Any two-bit politician wanabe can do that. Yes, he’s got your number. He can call anytime he wants to. But you’ve got his. You know he’s a liar. So it’s a draw… for now.

    his hope is beat you swiftly – yours is to play for time.
    There is help coming, even in the short term. I escaped that son of a bitch once by simply putting it off until tomorrow night, when I could get into the bookstore before closing, and find what OTC meds I could use to get the job done. Put it off 24 hours, and he went slinking back to his hole. Yes, he on;y retreated, and was not crushed. He has taken other runs at me, once even more serious. but once again, stall, like Mohamed Ali against Joe Frazer. He can be beaten. You can take this liar down. he will say you can’t, he will get you eventually, but never forget – he is a liar.

    You have help coming. short term help now, and eventual total help.
    his only hope is to win quickly –
    he can try to wear you down, but that is a risky strategy you have help coming.
    I don’t think he is really trying to wear you down, even. It’s just that when you defeat him by saying “Not NOW!” he slinks away, saying “i’ll be back.” he pretends he’s wearing you down, but in truth, he is only trying to put a brave face on the fact that you just beat him. And your deliverance, and your Deliverer, or on the way.
    Why does He tarry? Only He knows.

    I have found that I have very little faith for God to do “x” or “y.” Maybe that is a bad part of my make-up, which He will heal. But I do know, with more confidence than I know my own existence, that at the end of all things, when we do, like Job< meet Him face-to-face, we will know to our core that “He doeth all things well.” With Dame Julian I proclaim to you that which you know –that “all shall be well; and All shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well!”

    Peace, Oh valiant and beloved warrior –
    not THIS night does our foe gain!


  2. I have no answers for you as I have never had these types of thoughts. I lost a cousin to them at the turn of the century. I do hope you find the strength to put this off. I don’t know your pain but you can talk to me anytime. My name is Tim.

  3. I honestly don’t know if this will be of any help. I pray it doesn’t hurt. When the whisperer starts in on me I say, Oh, that’s depression talking and ignore it, After awhile he gives up. I’m not listening to his lies.
    You are a dear, sweet heart. Keep fighting. Keep writing. Keep praying.

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